So we move on to know the attitude of seeking growth versus seeking pleasure.
All right.
Have you ever heard the term instant gratification instantly gratifying behaviors versus delaying gratification.
Well if you think about and think about a child who walks into a sweet shop and says Mommy Daddy I want
all of these sweets and I want them all right now and then mommy or daddy because they know what's best
for child they know better than to raise their children on sugar.
They say sorry let me not know we'll buy a candy bar for you and we'll give it to you.
Once you've had your meat and veg tonight after dinner and little Jimmy has a little temper tantrum
and says I want what I want right now I'm not willing to wait.
I need instantly gratify.
And if you don't gratify my kid my sugar cravings I'm gonna have a little temper tantrum and show you
all up and then later Jimmy becomes a fully grown man.
And when his co-workers don't conform and behave in the way that he wants them or expects them to behave
what happens.
He takes his little temper tantrum so on so forth.
And then you have Jemima.
And she's married to little Jimmy.
And when Little Jimmy doesn't conform and be the kind of husband that she wants him to be.
She has temper tantrums and screams and goes into sulks and all this kind of stuff.
And what I'm saying here is that pleasure comes and goes it's kind of in the moment it's in the instant
growth is a process.
All right pleasure isn't a process proves that pleasure is always just a kind of instant short lived
thing that comes and goes growth is ongoing.
Think about the emotional time travel idea earlier on.
All right.
Have you ever asked the question whether addiction is an illness or whether it's just a habit.
All right an effort is just a habit.
Well what is it that really fuels this habit.
Well having worked with a few people who have been addicted in various ways.
Some people were just talking about no alcohol or drugs or smoking or overeating sometimes talking some
people get addicted to success.
Some people get addicted to accomplishment or achieve and where it doesn't really matter what they build
or what they accomplish.
It's kind of like enough is never enough.
This is why in the world you have what is it 1 percent of the world population owns around about 97
percent of the cash in the world and could pretty much eradicate world debt just like that but people
don't because for some people enough is never enough for some people it's not.
What they have and that's the most important thing to them.
It's actually the process off of acquiring what they get.
And it's the short term pleasure and throw they get from winning or getting that next deal where making
the next sale or getting another million pounds in the bank or producing that next chart topping Oh
mama or something like this.
In some cases you then half the guy on the street such as Cress.
Well he feels sad or he was anxious about quit his art and life today.
So rather than taking responsibility for himself and doing something about it he says I've got an illness
I'm a victim you know I never give me enough cuddles in her daddy dropped me on my head is therefore
why I drink so much alcohol and take so many drugs I'm not responsible for my life.
They are so your lives are completely disempowered life instead lives for pleasure know the drink just
helps in the drawing of sorrows and help him to remove himself from his current reality.
And the fact that his life is going absolutely nowhere.
The truth of the matter is his life's going nowhere because he's not doing anything to get anywhere.
All right.
But when we see growth will we understand the levels of conscious awareness don't we and when we step
out of the victim mindset and step into this idea that I alone am responsible for my life there is no
higher power or no universe so there is going to step into my life and make my life just work out swell.
Oh no.
I'm gonna have to stop being lazy and do some hard work.
All right then.
Well when we grew we become okay with us because growth is an easy ride growth.
I mentioned earlier on that all growth is spiritual.
We're growing you know us as individuals as people with the core.
We can focus and pumping our biceps but we know that we are all more than just our muscles is something
else going on inside.
Where does confidence come from.
Where does that inner strength come from.
Where is boldness come from when it is.
Where does integrity and sincerity come from comes from the core doesn't it.
All right.
When we practice and exercise these things.
So when we grow we're just talking about becoming better at being who we actually are and better not
being who we previously thought we were.
Which is often someone else when we're seeking growth and we've generally got to ask ourselves better
questions.
And some people say How can I get more of what I want right now.
How can I have a nice time.
How can I be happiness.
How can I have more happiness in my life.
The pursuit happiness incidentally is just pleasure seeking.
I'm going to suggest to pursue happiness isn't a choice of mature and character.
So shut me down.
Why.
Because I'm going to suggest it.
When we know that we're growing and our life start improving in the calm above our relationships start
strengthening we experience fulfillment fulfillment is better than happiness.
All right.
But we each have these choices you can reject these things that I'm saying and say No I want happiness.
Well if you want happiness go get it.
Good luck with that.
You're going to forever just remain in this constant cycle of wanting more happiness.
Happiness comes happiness goes.
Same as a cheap thrills come cheap throws go.
You can drink as much wine or as much do plonk as what you want today and you get a little buzz today.
But if you don't keep that up and you consume the same amount tomorrow then you're not going to have
the same buzzy pot today.
So feelings not a particularly strong foundation to build and base our life upon growth is where his
site is the choice of maturity and character.
Some people just want to feel better whereas other people are committed to the process of growing.
You've got to be able to identify this as a coach because if you're here promoting growth but someone
comes to you just wanting you to help them feel better what are you going to say.
Are you going to compromise your own standards and just you know give them a few encouraging words and
give them a little tickle to help them feel nice.
Or are you going to really go against the grain and give them what they need instead of what they want.
My friend the choice is yours.
I'm gonna use a couple interesting words here.
Faith on fear.
No.
If I was to ask you Are you a man or a woman of faith what would you say.
No some people around the world may be stomping their feet saying hallelujah brother preacher and all
that kind of stuff.
What I'm going to suggest is that yes faith is often used to the word faith is often used in a religious
context.
All right I'm going to suggest that faith is more of a future expectation and attitude that we take
towards the future.
All right.
On a very very practical level.
We will either look forward to our future from a place of fear or from a place of faith.
All right so I am doing my best no to create a course hoping and expecting in faith that you're going
to find it useful and engaging.
I'm in faith that you're gonna be able to overlook my imperfections as a man and as a communicator and
just simply embrace the principles and the core ideas that I am sharing with you.
All right.
If I was not a man of faith I would be most likely operating in a place of apathy doing nothing with
my life like what many people do.
Not wanting to rock the boat not wanting to put my neck on the line not wanting to ruffle any feathers
or understand the risk of being rejected by other people or half be in the receiving end of other people's
opinions which can hurt sometimes currently.
But many people do right.
Many people would step outside the comfort zone.
They will remain in a place of apathy in life kind of like what we talked about before with current
because they're fearful of the future.
This scared of failing the scared of being led down the scared of losing what they perceive themselves
to halving.
It's an attitude of responsibility and it's definitely unhelpful.
After your choice of immaturity fear of the future.
All right it's kind of like an excuse.
I'm not confident of the future.
I'm scared I'm scared of what they think about me.
Fear I'm going to suggest is one of the most selfish emotions going though anyone who love who lives
in a place of fear is going to be most likely getting quite offended right now will get offended.
In fact get angry because at least if you get angry there's going to be some power in that fear is completely
power less.
At least when we're angry we can do something when we're scared.
Just sit back and really worry and stuff like that.
A choice of immaturity.
Faith if you are angry is something I've just said we'll do something about it.
Restart a YouTube channel go in host a workshop or an event or do something.
Here's the thing when we're operating in faith we're not so much a worrying about you know well what
I do with my life be received well in the future will it be valuable will like me will they love me.
It's more I believe I'm in faith that if I do my very very best that is going to benefit someone which
is kind of the best we can hope for in life.
Full stop isn't it.
All right we're going to be operating from a place of fear or we'll be operating from a place of faith.
Faith is always going to be proactive.
Faith Fear is always gonna be kind of reactive and pretty much non responsive.
So if we are able to identify that our clients are stuck in a bit of a right going around in circles
not really going anywhere.
We're gonna be able to identify the most likely operating from a place of fear and apathy instead of
faith unproved activity.
Here with me.
Which leads us on to decisiveness vs. double mindedness snow.
I'd like to see decisiveness as being an outcome that I will find or see in the clients that I work
with.
All right life is all about making decisions but sometimes making decisions can be the toughest things
that we can make in life aren't they.
Why.
Because in order to make a decision we've got to overcome and move beyond any fears that we have of
rejection of the future or fail we are on remember fears all about us.
So at any given moment in time all right.
Every action that we take we're going to be motivated by one of three things we're going to be motivated
by making money we're selling our so on our soul for money or we're motivated by making a name for ourselves
and pressing people appeasing people keeping people happy or whatever.
Or we're going to be motivated by making a difference.
And when we are or if we are motivated by making a difference in life it becomes very very easy to make
decisions.
All right.
Why.
Because we know that if we just simply do our very very best.
Then whether that's received well or whether it isn't is kind of irrelevant because we knew we'd done
our best.
All right.
But when our goal was to make money or make a name for ourselves and of course we're always going to
hold back because we're gonna be asking different questions.
Well how is this going to be received.
How was that gonna be received.
I'm actually not going to just be myself be authentic be honest and real here.
Why.
Because I might offend some people so instead I'm gonna hold back and say and tell people what I think
they want to hear and give them a little tick will make them feel nice and just attract all the pleasure
seekers instead and yeah this may appeal to the masses but it's never gonna bring about or promote change.
Are you with me.
All right.
So what sort of level of impact do you want to make in the world my friend.
Let's go back to those questions once again.
All right.
Decisiveness or double mindedness if we're operating in or from a place of double mindedness and life.
It's because we haven't yet made a decision.
All right.
All change starts with making a decision.
I'm going to share with you seven stage coaching framework pretty much in the last section of the course
on the set.
This framework will allow you to identify exactly where a client is and what they need to do next.
At any stage of their journey it's one that I've been operating and using for the last decade and it's
one that I know will also massively serve you.
So moving on second to last but not least people will be ruled by facts or they will be governed by
their feelings.
All right now let's go back to the conversation that I just had with Karen.
Two or three videos ago and I where Karen give reference to her low confidence.
All right Karen suggested that it was hard little confidence that was to blame for her holding back
and not proactively pursuing the things that she wanted to pursue in her life and become this communicator
the speaker that she claimed to want to become.
But as I provoked and asked a few thought provoking questions Karen had been or she said she claims
she'd been governed by our feelings fear had held her back low confidence had held her back but when
we look to the facts it wasn't fear or low confidence that held her back.
It was actually Karen's own apathy which she even defined as being laziness.
We can all be you we cannot move beyond the stage of life that we're willing to take responsibility
for.
All right.
And no one else is to blame in this life for us not having what we want to halve our not doing the things
that we want to do when we live a life based upon truth based upon facts where Lebanon lives upon a
pretty strong and civil stable foundation.
All right our feelings can come and go up and down like a yo yo.
Or share with you a little diagram maybe in the next video or the video after and on the difference
between facts and feelings and faith.
Now we're talking about faith here.
Faith is always going to be a future based expectation.
Fear we always experience in the present as we're looking forward to this expectation that we have of
the future.
But our feelings are very very rarely based upon facts.
All right.
The facts are the constants in our life.
All right.
Say for example I could see right now but I don't feel like I could go and climb a mountain on Saturday.
Okay.
That might be true.
I don't feel like I can go and climb a mountain on a Saturday.
But the facts are that with the right support and with the right hiking gear and with practice perhaps
a little bit of physical training I can go and climb a mountain whenever I want.
That's the facts.
The truth may always be that I'll never feel like I want to climb a mountain or a lazy listen and an
ethic could the good can come into play kick into play again I might not feel like I can be bothered
to climb a mountain but the fact will always remain that I can climb the mountain remember the story
I shared a few videos back when I was talking about the two ex servicemen that I worked with both had
lost limbs.
No I'm not belittling or discrediting either experience here but what I'm saying is that both guys responded
to their lost and two very different ways.
One guy decided he was going to be the victim for what ended up being quite a number of years and the
other guy decided that he wasn't going to allow this stump literally speaking and to hold him back in
life.
Right.
He became an an athlete and he cuts out his old military mindset and way of thinking which is generally
quite negative and said No I'm going to train I'm going to train I'm going to associate myself with
other people who are doing something with their life and then he went and done something with his life
and he even got some medals and for confidentiality purposes I cannot tell you what this guy's name
was.
This guy here he decided to sit in the military old man's drinking clubs and get drunk pretty much day
in day out and talk and complain and moan about how much of a victim he was and how society had dealt
hammer hard and tough handed.
I saw a thing and here's a thing when we're ruled by facts the facts are that we can all accomplish
anything that we commit to.
We can all accomplish anything that we find a right strategy for or share with you a principle in the
next couple of sections that'll help you really become grounded in this idea as well.
When we're governed by feelings our feelings come and go.
They are not consistent and they most certainly are not reliable.
So when our clients are talking about their feelings but I just feel that I can't do this I just feel
that I can't do that.
I just feel like the world is against me.
All right well I will actually pick up on that right away and question and interrogate.
Why.
Because feelings are not facts.
So when we question our client's feelings and they can then just simply acknowledge what the facts are.
Well nine times out of ten that's going to be more than enough for our clients to actually get a little
or a little mini breakthrough.
I'll share with you.
Are questioning format that we can use sometimes called socratic questioning and a few videos.
From now on it's just about and kind of gives us as life coaches a structured format and a means by
which we can just interrogate people's patterns of unhelpful thinking and I might practice that one
on Curran once again and we would definitely find that one interesting.
So last but not least we're going to come on to the progress vs. safety debate.
All right.
What would you rather have more off in your life.
Would you rather feel safe or would you rather make progress.
Will riddle me this Batman All right.
How much progress do you realistically expect to make in your life.
As long as you are lodged deeply inside of a comfort zone the safety zone.
All right.
I have never known anyone or anything to grow when it is not being stretched.
Let's come back to the biceps.
Idea here.
All right.
I've got a couple of friends who spend pretty much day in day out there in the gym and there's some
pretty big buff guys.
All right but here's the thing.
And those muscles haven't come from nowhere.
Granted the steroids might have played a little part in this.
All right.
But seriously they've gone down they've done a hell of a lot of good work.
A hell of a lot of hard work.
And the truth is that when we go to the gym and we're left in BR bench pressing or doing whatever we're
doing all right.
And your muscles grow is by.
By tearing so a muscle must first tear it must rep which causes discomfort and pain before it to heal
when a muscle heals and it becomes become stronger becomes kind of twice the size.
This is what muscle mass is pretty much is just muscles and tearing and healing and strengthening and
I'm not a obviously a gym instructor or anything like that.
I don't know the scientific biological explanations here but this is the principle.
There is another story I could share with you before we wrap this video up.
Driven by progress driven by safety and this is a story that a heard a couple of years ago there was
a boat and lobsters and some various shellfish and how they grow.
So what'll happen is save for example you got a lobster and a lobster maybe swim in about the sea or
it might be in the lobster crab who's on the beach something like that.
And when a lobster reaches are stage in his life of discomfort all right it starts to outgrow its shell.
So what it does is it swims over the sea and it goes to the seabed finds a safe secure place I some
rocks and it grows out of its shell leaves the old shell then waits for a new show to grow and replace
it.
All right.
So it actually resorts back at a place of safety so that it can make progress.
All right.
That's the funny idea that I just want to share here because some people say yes progress progress progress
but we can't be making progress constantly all of the time because we sometimes need to take time out
to reflect upon where we're at.
What's working for us know what's not working for us.
So coming back to the to the lobster story the lobster then grows new shell then off he goes back to
the beach and then eventually he's going to start to outgrow this new shell.
So he goes back to the sea bed would you cast off the old shell and then grew into a new one.
No.
Now here's the thing.
The indicator that allows the lobster to know that it's time to cast off the old and wait for the new
is stress every time the lobster feels under stress stress or or pressure it knows that it's that is
growing that it's time to change something.
But what do most of us human beings do.
All right well many human beings they experience a little bit of pressure a little bit of stress.
They go to their doctors get some medication take six months of work and sit around saying oh I'm stressed
I need a therapist I to talk about it.
All right.
And end up not growing through the process.
All right.
So safety in progress is one of these attitudes that sometimes kind of just work hand in hand.
Listen I could talk about maturity and character unhelpful and unhelpful attitudes until the cows come
home.
But this is pretty much the framework that's going to allow us to identify where other people are your
clients are actually art.
And when we can see what their sticking point is is then our responsibility as coaches to question and
quiz so we can help them get the little breakthroughs is that is that is that all care is always kind
of stuff making sense.
These are the choices of maturity and character.
Ultimately the greatest choices that we can encourage our clients to make choices and decisions that
are going to stretch them that are going to enable them to grow up that are going to build them up not
tear them down with me.
Is this OK listen I do believe there is a workbook that's going to be available for you.
Any additional material section so we've covered quite a lot in this video.
How about no you spend the next 15 to 20 minutes download the workbook printed off work through it and
do some serious self reflection.
Remember in order to coach other people in life you have got to have gone there fast so you make sure
that your attitudes are healthy and helpful.
And just see if you can identify any areas where you're currently holding yourself back.
Consciously or unconsciously and I look forward to seeing you again in the next clip.